Language Barrier

 Today, my university is holding an event. They call it sports day. My class is required to dance on the sports day to welcome the deputy. After the dance, we are free. If anyone signs up for the competition, they will attend it. If I were in high school, I would sign up immediately, without thinking. But this is the university, not my high school, not my old friends with the same language. They talked in a different language. I was too shy to join, because I'm not good in their language.

 I regret about it now. It was a chance for me to make new friends and practice my second language. While everyone was participating in the competition, I just stood and watched, thinking about my choice. I think I made a new wrong decision. Even though I try never to make a bad choice again, I probably can never do that. I can only minimize the number of times. Now that I look back on my choices, I still regret them and wish to return in time. Actually, if I could go back in time, there are many things I would change. There is a way to see my past, that is standing 10 light years away from the earth, I can see myself in the past. But it is just seeing myself making mistakes and not being able to do anything else. But there is a better not to talk about it. I hate to face the fact that I can never go back in time or reincarnate like in anime.

 I tried to do what I did in high school, listening to the groups talking and trying to start a conversation based on the topics they were talking about. But they used Chinese to talk and ignored me. This made all my efforts go in vain.

 The local students can speak English, but they don't want to use it. My friend said they might be shy because their English is not good, but their English is actually very good, even better than mine. Many of them studied in the international high school. I think the reason is simply that they are tired of English and prefer their native language. I am tired of English, too. When I speak English, my brain has to work continuously to convert my Vietnamese thoughts into English words. It takes a lot of energy, like google translate, it consumes a lot of electricity and needs regular maintenance.

 Actually, I tried to put myself in their shoes and understood the reason. If they were studying abroad in my country, I would ignore them and use Vietnamese with my friends. I won't blame them. It's not their fault.

 I blame myself why don't I try to study Chinese, why don't I try to adapt to the culture here? I am a foreigner in the country, just an imposter wishing for a better life. How can I ask them to follow my culture when I was the one who had to follow them?