Introvert?

 3pm and the afternoon has started. I took a nap. Not too bad so far though, but my nerves are still strung. I need to exercise some patience, but it is hard sometimes to be a better person.

 Practice IELTS reading is a bit of a challenge for me at the moment, so I've switched over to blogging. It was hard to make the content. While I was slowly regaining my focus, the thing I hated the most was interrupted. My sister takes her friend to my home. I really can't stand having strangers in my house. Even though my sister's friend ignored me, I feel like she gazed on me. I tried to face and ignore it, but somehow I still feel embarrassed. Maybe it's because I'm an introvert.

 No, exactly I'm ashamed of my house, ashamed of my messy room. I've recognized this reason for a long time, but I was too lazy to clean my room. Many times, I got angry and selfishly told my mom to tell my sister I hated she take her friend to home. I don't know if I did the right thing. Sometimes it feels right, sometimes it feels not.

 My sister hasn't led her friends through the house for a while, but this time she did. I decided to face it myself, ignore and don't care about it.

 Perhaps I should consider taking up meditation. I used to practice it, but I didn't have enough patience to follow it. The last time I meditate, I think that I might finally be getting somewhere calmness, relaxation, and a detachment from the concerns of the world.

 Another factor that makes me feel self-conscious when interacting with others is my appearance. I'm not handsome (although I always said I was handsome). I'm a fairly skinny guy. I've been going to the gym to change myself for almost a month, but now I'm still weak and small. I don't know whenever I've become a strong guy, but can't see the results makes me quite frustrated. I will try to persevere for 3 months and beyond, mainly because my friend can do it.

 For myself, I didn't think about the success I just had at the gym. Didn't think about how 17 years old boy with a new phone, scholarships, and doing the best that he has ever done in his life. No. I had to be negative because I was presented with something which I thought was better than what I had. So all my success is flushed down the toilet, or at least comparatively speaking, isn't noteworthy.