Lost of motivation

 I realized I gradually slowed everything down. I can't find the motivation to go to the gym every day like usual. I can't find the inspiration to turn on my computer and study IELTS with passion. Wake up early, spend 30 minutes just for nothing (I just sit and think what I want to do). Go to the gym at 5 o'clock on Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday just because I pay money to hire a personal training. Programming, just because my club force my to do.

 I no longer voluntarily do everything related to self-training. I just do because I am forced to do. The only thing that can force me to study now is a vague belief in the future.

 I didn't spend my time studying math and physics after I completed the 10-minute math test at school. I can't force myself to learn things I like when I'm not motivated. I wish someone would force me to study.

 Today, when I opened the note, to find where I am now, I realized I was so far behind. It's only been 2 weeks since the beginning of the school year. Yet I was seriously behind schedule.

 I still want to study abroad, but why do I see it so far aways? Please get back my enthusiasm.

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Introvert?

 3pm and the afternoon has started. I took a nap. Not too bad so far though, but my nerves are still strung. I need to exercise some patience, but it is hard sometimes to be a better person.  Practice IELTS reading is a bit of a challenge for me at the moment, so I've switched over to blogging. It was hard to make the content. While I was slowly regaining my focus, the thing I hated the most was interrupted. My sister takes her friend to my home. I really can't stand having strangers in my house. Even though my sister's friend ignored me, I feel like she gazed on me. I tried to face and ignore it, but somehow I still feel embarrassed. Maybe it's because I'm an introvert.  No, exactly I'm ashamed of my house, ashamed of my messy room. I've recognized this reason for a long time, but I was too lazy to clean my room. Many times, I got angry and selfishly told my mom to tell my sister I hated she take her friend to home. I don't know if I did the right thing
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Poor memory

 I have a really bad memory. I've forgotten a lot of things in my life, as I know there is always a certain process. First, I feel like I'm missing something, but I can't put my finger on what it is. Second, when I complete everything I remember and relax, my brain will remind me what I've forgotten. After that, I freak out.  Yesterday, I thought I would wash my clothes to prepare for going back to school. I prepared everything I need, except my clothes. Until the evening, I remembered I have to wash my clothes, but it was late. My clothes wouldn't dry in time. Luckily, I have my second uniform. It wasn't very dirty. I just wear it, no other choice, with a litter perfume.  Another day, I wrote my report to my teacher. You think I forgot to save the doc when I finished? No, I had saved it. I couldn't forget it because it has become my habit, due to my programming skill: 10 minutes - press Ctrl S. I forgot a thing more serious than press Ctrl S: forgot where I
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No patience

 I got some problems with my target. Summer vacation is coming to an end. I still haven't reached my target: get 7. IELTS before 2024. I just got 5 now. I know why. I just did what I like: read stories, play the piano, watch movies, hang out with my friends. Although all of that activities make my summer wonderful, it doesn't help me reach my target.  One weakness that humans have, I also have, is no patience. I've read a lot of research articles about it and found all sorts of ways to fix it. I'm still getting over it, but it's still too hard. You know, to get 7. IELTS, I need to practice everyday , even though it is painful. Ignore everything, just practice. I still can't beat myself. Everyday, I thought I have to turn off the internet and practice, I got many new words so I had to use my phone to search for them. Damm, you know what, I searched for 30 seconds, then my friend sent me a message. I answered her.  Instinctively my hand opened Instagram. And then,
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