Weak Dream: A view into yourself

 I used to critical everything I don't like. But lately, I'm not do that anymore.  I used to criticized my gramma's food, and always make she sad. But when I take a deep look into her food, I known she has work to get money to buy food for me. After a hard working day, she was very tired, but she always cook food for me with all her love.  I used to think all of my mom message to asked me if I ok was very annoyed. But when I take a deep look into her soul, I known that she was very worried about me, I known she was very love me to spent her time to type message, to call me, to worry about what I did.  I used to feel that the driver was the one who was hired, and I was the one paying the money, so they must obey me. But when I take a deep look into them, I known that they just like me. They are human. They are making money to feed their families.  When I learn to look deeply, I see that the waiter is not only serving, but also a student who is working hard to ear...

 I still can't face my failure. I was confident that my team won, and tell everyone that we are going to get the first price. I was confident that putting in a lot of effort would be worth it. As soon as we were over the presentation time, I thought if I didn't get the first prize, it would be second or third. But we got nothing.  I wish I could rewrite the star. I wish I could put in a little effort, because I tried my best so I have nothing to put in.  Yesterday, I cried a lot. No one know how disappoint am I. I comforted my team that we can survive it, but I can't. As a leader, I have to apologize to everyone because I've put too much expectations on the team. I was harsh at times and forces you to work too hard.  After all, I gained a lot of experience after the competition, and managed to connect with an old friend I've study with. I will try to forget it all and start over after this shock. Maybe, I start to lose my confident now.  I promise this...

 My neighbor had a dog named Lu who are rebuilding his house, and his house near my house. Everyday, my ears have to listen to the noise. But it isn't as bad as my damaged lungs, because I have to breathe tons of dust.  I still can't adapt. My parents told me to understand and forgive him because when my house was built, it also made many dust. But they don't understand about that dust, because they work all day. They don't stay at home like me.  I can't adapt to that. I was so upset that my lungs was not saved. I realized it was all because of the old trucks. I don't know why, but I feel like the trucks are more polluted than the dusty building house, because every time the trucks come, I be like breathing a lot of poison :skull:. I've known why the trucks emitted a lot of poison gas, because it was too old, and the builder didn't have money to upgrade. Yeah, if they had used modern trucks, or replaced old gasoline vehicles with electric trucks, I would...

 3pm and the afternoon has started. I took a nap. Not too bad so far though, but my nerves are still strung. I need to exercise some patience, but it is hard sometimes to be a better person.  Practice IELTS reading is a bit of a challenge for me at the moment, so I've switched over to blogging. It was hard to make the content. While I was slowly regaining my focus, the thing I hated the most was interrupted. My sister takes her friend to my home. I really can't stand having strangers in my house. Even though my sister's friend ignored me, I feel like she gazed on me. I tried to face and ignore it, but somehow I still feel embarrassed. Maybe it's because I'm an introvert.  No, exactly I'm ashamed of my house, ashamed of my messy room. I've recognized this reason for a long time, but I was too lazy to clean my room. Many times, I got angry and selfishly told my mom to tell my sister I hated she take her friend to home. I don't know if I did the...

 I got some problems with my target. Summer vacation is coming to an end. I still haven't reached my target: get 7. IELTS before 2024. I just got 5 now. I know why. I just did what I like: read stories, play the piano, watch movies, hang out with my friends. Although all of that activities make my summer wonderful, it doesn't help me reach my target.  One weakness that humans have, I also have, is no patience. I've read a lot of research articles about it and found all sorts of ways to fix it. I'm still getting over it, but it's still too hard. You know, to get 7. IELTS, I need to practice everyday , even though it is painful. Ignore everything, just practice. I still can't beat myself. Everyday, I thought I have to turn off the internet and practice, I got many new words so I had to use my phone to search for them. Damm, you know what, I searched for 30 seconds, then my friend sent me a message. I answered her.  Instinctively my hand opened Instagram. And ...

 I have a really bad memory. I've forgotten a lot of things in my life, as I know there is always a certain process. First, I feel like I'm missing something, but I can't put my finger on what it is. Second, when I complete everything I remember and relax, my brain will remind me what I've forgotten. After that, I freak out.  Yesterday, I thought I would wash my clothes to prepare for going back to school. I prepared everything I need, except my clothes. Until the evening, I remembered I have to wash my clothes, but it was late. My clothes wouldn't dry in time. Luckily, I have my second uniform. It wasn't very dirty. I just wear it, no other choice, with a litter perfume.  Another day, I wrote my report to my teacher. You think I forgot to save the doc when I finished? No, I had saved it. I couldn't forget it because it has become my habit, due to my programming skill: 10 minutes - press Ctrl S. I forgot a thing more serious than press Ctrl S: forgot where I...