Weak Dream: A view into yourself

 As I grow older, I find everything my parents say is true. Looking at myself a year ago, I was so immature. I used to think my parents controlled me too much. I argue with my parents because they force me to study. When the exam was near, I wanted to hang out with my friends, but my parents wouldn't let me go. I used to be angry. They wanted me to study abroad, but at that time, I didn't want to. It is just because I don't want to follow what my parents say.  The climax was when I dropped out of the Hanoi College of Art despite my parents' advice. Although everything my parents said was correct, I didn't listen to them. I was doing the opposite of what my parents wanted. At that time, I thought it was cool. I even told my friends about it. Now, I realize that I have wasted 5 years of my life learning to play the piano professionally and have no decent degree to prove it, while my friends have all started to settle down and have part-time jobs.  I regret it now. I s...

  I decided to join the International Student Association and got admitted.  Today, I am participating in preparing food for a BBQ event on Friday. This is not my first time to cook food. Although I'm no stranger to the kitchen—thanks to my time with the Vietnamese Student Association—today's experience was different. A friendly girl ended up helping me with almost everything, which was nice, but I still felt a bit out of place.  I am not a talkative. I always stay in a group with at least one student who is talkative and answer their question so people will think I am talkative. Unlucky, today, no talkative students. Maybe because we have to talk in our second language, we keep silent and do our tasks.  Things changed when someone accidentally took my phone. I almost cried because of my complacency.  Although I am a person who always cares about my stuff and always takes my phone in my hand, I lost that habit when I went to Taiwan. Camera everywhere, and no one...

 People who live in the country want to move to the city. People who live in the city want to move out.  It is weird when I think about my future. Each day, I move to some fixed locations in my life. Every day, I study hard, hoping for a day to become rich and get a reputation, to achieve what society defaults to. Even so, no matter how hard I try, I’m still just another nameless soul in this city.  During my school years, I have been told to study hard and to push myself. But I never have been taught to prepare for a lonely life in the city.  The world is developing every day. Along with that, people rush around, and sorrows sink deeper into their souls. We have more friends on Instagram. We share our lives through photos. But we feel more isolated. Because we only share happy moments. We seek attention through happy photos because no one cares about our loneliness. We appreciate every reaction from everyone, even though there are people we only meet ...

 Today, I had a conversation with my mentor. We made small talk, trying to overcome the language barrier and understand each other. In that convo thing, I find the best information I want to know: the exchange program to the USA. Computer Science in UIUIC?  My family has wanted me to go to study in America for a long time. But as a child, I didn't understand anything; I was just naughty and did the opposite of what my parents wanted. I used to have a list of things to make my parents angry. That is what I regret the most. I used to tell my parents I didn’t want to study abroad. When I realized what my parents did to me and changed my mind, it was too late. I almost had to study in my home country, luckily I found Taiwan, the right place to pursue university. My delayed maturity cost my parents time, money, and health, as well as mine.  But now I'm standing before an unprecedented opportunity to correct my mistakes. I know I can't just sit still and pray while contempla...

 It is not always advisable to save money. What I realized today after I replaced my phone screen.  I am not a person without money. I have a lot of it, but my spending needs are very low. I used to live in a village with an average income compared to the city. So, people are frugal. I am influenced by it.  When I go to any coffee shop, I will buy the cheapest, and I don't care about how it tastes. When I go shopping with my friends, I won't buy anything even if I need it. When I'm thirsty, I won't buy water; I will go back to my home to drink water even if it takes me 1 hour. There are many things that I look back on that make me feel frugal. However, I can blame it on my own lack of needs.  The last time I regretted buying an iPhone. I was hesitating between iphone 13 pro and 14 pro at that time. I chose iphone 13 pro because it was cheaper, although iphone 14 pro suits me better. I'm so stupid. The price difference between those two machines is only 3 million VND...

 I just called my high school classmates. They went to our teacher’s house for the Vietnamese teacher’s day. I'm glad they still remember me. I'm glad I can see them.  The call only lasted 5 minutes. There were so many things I wanted to say, but my emotions kept me from speaking. I realized that my friends all had their own lives and new friends. They were still my high school friends, but I felt a little distant. Maybe because people's hearts have gradually filled with more people. My teacher is still the same, still has the same loving eyes as every day. Even though he is no longer our homeroom teacher, he still considers us as his children. How should I say this? This is the first time my class meets after graduation, and I can't attend; I can only watch them through my phone. Looking at familiar images of classmates laughing and joking with each other, I suddenly realized that I used to be like that. I used to be the class monitor. A meeting with the old teacher t...

 Today, my university is holding an event. They call it sports day. My class is required to dance on the sports day to welcome the deputy. After the dance, we are free. If anyone signs up for the competition, they will attend it. If I were in high school, I would sign up immediately, without thinking. But this is the university, not my high school, not my old friends with the same language. They talked in a different language. I was too shy to join, because I'm not good in their language.  I regret about it now. It was a chance for me to make new friends and practice my second language. While everyone was participating in the competition, I just stood and watched, thinking about my choice. I think I made a new wrong decision. Even though I try never to make a bad choice again, I probably can never do that. I can only minimize the number of times. Now that I look back on my choices, I still regret them and wish to return in time. Actually, if I could go back in time, there are ...

 The weather in Taiwan has changed from super hot to super cold now. Actually, it is about 20 degrees, but the strong wind (45km/h) makes me feel like 10 degrees. The wind blows cold to my bone. It also blows my mind. I have experienced this weather in Northern Vietnam but still cannot adapt. The cold weather reminds me of the past.  The cold weather makes me wanna sleep. Whenever I tried to focus on studying, my feet got cold, and my brain froze. It begged me to go to bed. It said the bed has a blanket and makes me warm. Nah, I have to tell my brain that if I go to bed, I will fail all subjects, lose my scholarship, and have to go back to Vietnam. I have to tell my brain how hard I got there, how I prepared for it, and what my family expects from me.  However, my brain controls my actions.  By the way, I have finished my midterm test. I feel like I can't get 60 on all my tests. In high school, I rarely got more than 60; my teacher helped me to get 80 because I was t...

 I plan to learn physics and solve programming problems this weekend. But I all played Plant and Zombies. I don’t know why.  It started when I surfed Youtube and found a fucking pvz video. It is the mod version of Pvz (Fusion mode by China Wizard). Basically, it has new plants, and the gameplay is the same. However, it is more difficult and requires more brain power. This excites me.  My brain said that I had to learn Physics and programming because of the upcoming test. But my heart said to play it. I listen to my heart. I play Pvz for three days. Last night, I didn’t sleep, play Pvz from 8pm to 5am the next day. My eyes were really sore, so I went out for a walk. I missed my EyeCare software, but it was annoying when I played games so I turned it off. Yes, it was the first time I was outside my dorm, in the campus at 3am. But after return, I tried open youtube to find the physics video, but I clicked on a Pvz video. My heart controlled me. It force me continued pla...

 I feel like I was abandoned in Taiwan. I know exactly where this feeling forms. I don't have too many friends here. Or just don't have anyone with the same interests as me, anyone to confide in. Some of my high school friends texted me to ask if I was doing well, and I felt somewhat comforted. However, they remind me of my old life.  The students in my departments always have parties together, hang out, practice drama together, and do group activities. I don't know how they became so close so quickly and where they got the information from the above session. Maybe they have their own group line chat, or they just tell each other when they have lunch together. Yeah, I usually have lunch alone cause I don't have friends here. I watched my high school friends' stories. All my best friends have their own lives when they go to college. They looked happy with each other. They have a life that I always dreamed of. I have my dream university, but my life is not good at all...

 I had to adjust my emotions to write this article. When I went through the security gate at the airport, I did not turn back to look at my parents but kept walking because I was crying. I realized it would be long before I could see my family again.  When I heard the announcement, "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Taipei. We've just landed at Taoyuan International Airport, where the local time is fifteen twenty-five in the afternoon.", I know I have lost many things, but I will gain something that no one else could ever have.  I've been to Taiwan for a month. I stay in Hsinchu. I'm a student abroad studying computer science at National Yang-Ming Chiao Tung University on a scholarship. I have achieved my dream.  My journey to apply for study abroad was urgent and arduous because I initially had no intention of studying in Taiwan. The first day I arrived in Taiwan was September 6th, late for a week. I missed orientation day and the first class...

 I got my first job: Teaching at Mihu Art. I got my salary too. I'm going to intern in FPT Software.  I will take a gap year cause I want to study abroad. Maybe next year?? I have one year left to graduate the Classical Piano major at Hanoi College of Art. I will research and work this year. Prepare for the language test again for my next application to the university. Nah, maybe this year will be worth it. I think so?? Maybe I won't waste my time. Who knows what the future holds??  I used to think I have to study at the Hanoi College of Art this year. However, I was just informed by NYCU that the Taiwan Ministry of Education changed its policy for international students in Vietnam now, and I was accepted. What could be luckier than being so close? I almost registered to study at Hanoi College of Art and my intern job. Because I thought I wouldn't be accepted into the university, I went to work. Now I have a new skill: teaching. It may help me in the future when I hu...

 I am depressed. All my dreams put it NYCU. I placed only one wish on a school in Taiwan, and now I have suffered the consequences of being unable to study abroad.  NYCU didn't reject me. They gave me a scholarship to go. But they asked me to send my official graduation diploma, which is impossible in Vietnam after a student graduates. For those who don't know, Vietnamese law says that after students get their graduate results, they can only get a temporary certificate. This certificate is similar to the diploma. But NYCU didn't understand, or they did, but they pretended to don't know.  I'm ready to study in Taiwan. But life didn't let me go this Fall semester. I have to study at FPT University in Vietnam this semester. I'm disappointed because all my effort put into my study plan and CV went with my laptop. My laptop broke. I asked the shop to fix it for me, and they erased all my data. If next year, I do my progress to study in Taiwan again, I will have t...

 Hello, I have only 13 days left until the high school graduation test. Sometimes, I feel nervous about my mark and my future. I know I can not get high score. But it isn't the main reason why I feel nervous. The main reason make me feel nervous is how can I get into the university I want.  I want to study aboard. I use all my time to make my profile beautiful, and I received the passing results after all. But with only the passing results, I couldn't enter that university. The OIA of that university want me to send my official graduation diploma to them in July, but I couldn't because according to the requirements, I need to provide my graduation certificate by July 25th to receive the official admission letter. However, according to Vietnamese regulations, students only receive a temporary graduation certificate after July 17th, with the official diploma being issued three months later, at the earliest by the end of September. When I explained to the International Admissi...

 I'm tired. Near the graduation date, I'm so worried about my future. My school posted an article on their Facebook fan page about my success in enrolling the Yang Ming Chiao Tung University. Everyone knew about it, but they didn't know if I couldn't get the official high school diploma in July, I couldn't study at that university. The university doesn't understand about Vietnam rule, Vietnam only provide temporary certificate to student, and the official certificate only provide to student in September. This put me on fire. I even asked the Teco this afternoon to contact the MOE of Taiwan, but they didn't help me.  My plan was to study all afternoon today, but I couldn't follow it. I'm tired— not physical exhaustion, but mental exhaustion. This afternoon, my dog bit Ms. Nguyet, a woman who lives next to my house. She yelled, and I think all my neighbors knew about it. Maybe my parents have to apologize to her and compensate her with a large amount o...

 My friend K told me about a web name chotot, which sell a lot of cheap old machines. I want a new phone, so I found a cheap old iPhone on that website. I spent 3 days only to find the best iPhone and best price, and I decided to buy iPhone by a person. He said his mom used it, so he sold only 11 millions dong. I never buy an iPhone before, so I didn't know how to check if it legit. And guess what, he said the iPhone had the original screen came from Apple. I still don't know why I believe him. The iPhone didn't have the True Tone, and the screen burn in. That make it less than 11 millions dong. So I bought an expensive iPhone.  When I came home, I couldn't use the haptic touch. I didn't know if the function of the iPhone not working right or all of the iPhone like that. Guess what, when I came to the shop, they said my iPhone is fall down so the speaker is dented, the vibrate is broken. That's why the old user replaced the screen.  I regret about how my money s...

 I won a scholarship to study in Taiwan. Even though I didn't win the scholarship to study in Australia, I was still happy because I would become an international student.  Besides my happiness, I feel sad about giving away the iPad 3 for free. Today, I went with my best friend to survey the price of an iPad 3. They said my iPad broke the screen and  broke the  battery, so they couldn't buy it. I understand.  It took us two hours  just  to ask.   Couldn't  sell the iPad,  we went on our schedule ,  to Van Phuc flea markets.  The seller here defines my iPad price as only 20k dong. I couldn't believe it. After asking many shops, a man finally bought my iPad with 50k dong. I didn't want to sell it, but my best friend told me to sell it because I couldn't sell it in the future. I sold it and got 50k dong.   You  believe me? I lost 50k dong when I went back to my home. After selling the iPad for 50k dong, I immed...

 I lost my motivation. Let me explain.  I won the second prize at the National Piano Festival last month. I told my teacher a few days ago, and she posted it on the Internet. Now, everyone in my school knows that. They always ask me to going out, because they saw the prize I won: 100 million. Actually, it was a voucher, I will have long time to exchange it to money.  What bothers me is that they also ask about my aim to study abroad in Taiwan. I'm not sure if I can do it, but now the whole school knows. So, if I fail to study abroad, it will be very humiliating. Aww!  Today, I don't want to do anything. I don't know what I want. I caught a cough and runny nose, and it has made me tired for a week. I played games, scrolled Facebook, watched short videos, and followed everyone's posts and comments on my post on the school page. I finished my survey contest for the final test yesterday. I wasn't good. I think next week everyone in my school will know a person who won t...

 I have a new skill: don't care about how people think about me. I have practiced this skill over time, and it was very hard because it goes against my personality: selfish.  I used to love following trends. What my friends have, I must have. In my class, if my friends play in the lesson, I feel I must join them. This unintentionally caused me bad at studying many subjects. Studying while others play is difficult because it goes against my desires. However, I have to do that. I have a goal for my life: Study abroad. I can not reach my goal if I play.  Due to my peculiar personality, I have fewer friends in my class now. If it was me 1 year ago, I would care about that and try to please everyone. But me now, I won't. I accept that I become a nerd. A nerd can reach his dream. I found my dream place to study: Melbourne, Australia.  At present, I'm anxious because I have practice IELTS long times instead of play. I hope it will end after 2 months.

 - How much do you think you'll get?  - Probably an 8. Today's test wasn't too hard, right?  - Yeah...  This morning's Physics test wasn't too hard. As I hold the test paper in my hand, everyone is running around comparing their answers. I'd like to join in, too, but I couldn't do the test. There is nothing to compare, or maybe comparing will only make me more desperate.  I used to stood at the peak of admiration. I was a talented, outstanding student in the eyes of my teachers, friends, and parents. But now, I've hit the bottom. This puts more pressure on me, especially for someone who places a lot of importance on self-image. They may be shocked to learn the truth. Thinking about this makes me uncomfortable.  I'm thinking about the reason I chose this school and how I tried hard to get into it. And now, I've neglected my studies, with none of the passion I had back then.  I wasted my 10th-grade year on meaningless distractions. But looking back...